Health Warrior Chia Bar health & Happiness Review

100 Calories | 3 g Sugar | Claims

Net carbs: 9 g      Added sugars: ?? g

Overall rating:😴😠🙄😡👎 

healthwarrior.com/

 

Flavor

It’s not bad. Fig newtons and nutri-grain bars come to mind. Are fig newtons cookies or bars?

This particular Acai flavor tastes exactly like a fig newton without the bread coating. And the chia seeds give it a similar crunchy mouthfeel. 

A lot of Acai products wind up being too sour. This bar has a good balance, though. It’s easy to balance out tart berries when you dump a bunch of sweetener in your mix. 

Brown rice syrup makes this sweet enough to be palatable. It really tastes too sweet to be something healthy. 

Sweetness is an indication of high caloric content, but not nutrition. Our tastebuds are wired to seek calories, not nutrients. When we were trying to survive natures raw brutality, having enough calories to keep running away from bears was more important than getting the perfect amount of phytonutrients in your kale shake. 

So when we find products like this that are meant to be healthy and they taste good, we should be wary. 

Strong antioxidants like Acai do not taste good on their own. They’re sour and astringent. Food companies know the secret, though, so they add a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down, ya feel me?

 

Packaging appeal

This is the one area where HW shines. Graphic design-wise I have no criticisms. 

It’s a strong design witha tangible feminine feel to it. Maybe that’s partially influenced by the bright magenta color of this Acai Berry flavor I reviewed. 

Immediately you get a feeling of energy and action from this label. The spartan soldier looks like he’s looking over a battlefield as the sun rises. 

Overall this is a great functional food design. It reminds me a lot of bulletproof products. Actually HW’s chocolate chip cookie dough flavor has the exact same color palette as Bulletproof MCT oil.

Holy crap, they have pumpkin seed bars too, and it seems like their designers tried to copy bulletproof aesthetic as closely as they legally could 

The one design problem is their slogan. They have one of the worst marketeering nonsense phrases I’ve ever seen as their slogan.

“Food that actually feeds you” is exactly the kind of non-statement that marketers lose their damn minds over. It sounds like it’s telling people what they want to hear, without actually saying enough for anyone to get upset. 

 I wouldn’t waste my money trademarking such a dumb slogan. 

I’m not sure how useful their investment in these food industry certifications was either. Most people only kinda care that it’s certified gluten free and non-gmo. And they’re kosher.

I wonder if the company’s founders are jewish or if the marketing firm told them to get kosher certified to sell a few more units. How can I find out the impact kosher certification has on a product’s success? 

 

Ingredient quality

Chia seeds are wonderful. They look nice and are easy for your body to digest.

They’re one of the best plant-based sources of omega-3 fatty acids, which aid in numerous bodily functions. Many manufacturers choose chia over flax because the nutrients are more bioavailable. 

There’s a problem here, though.

You cannot call your product “Health Warrior” and put brown rice syrup in your food. According to Fitbit, a 100g serving of brown rice syrup has 71g of sugar. 

This is one of the sweeteners people use to avoid listing sugar or corn syrup on their ingredients. I’m constantly blown away that people aren’t using date paste or date syrup in their products. Date syrup is probably just as bad for you as brown rice syrup but it has better flavor and I’m irrationally obsessed with dates. 

Dates would give this product a more full, round flavor. And if you used dates, you wouldn’t have to use brown rice syrup. 

But, it is an unhealthy added sweetener. According to the good folks at Healthline, “brown rice syrup provides ample calories but virtually no essential nutrients.”

How does that affect your brand, Health Warrior? Are you fighting against health? Is this all some subtle sick joke y’all laugh about at board meetings?

I’m tired of this shit. Do not market products as healthy and use ingredients that provide virtually no nutrients. 

 

Company practices

This company lies about being healthy. 

Health Warrior’s website contains virtually no information. Thats because if they had any info about their products they would have to lie about its health. 

These chia bars are candy. They’re the perfect size to indulge.

I cannot recommend this company or any of its products. 

If they marketed these as the candy they are, I would have no issues. But the marketing firm probably told these people that energy bars are the hot seller right now. Everyone wants convenient nutrition, so lets create a product that makes people think that’s what they’re getting.

This company is a perfect example of the depraved lies that undermine the health food industry’s integrity. 

 

Snackability

Yeah, if you want some fruit candy this is perfectly snackable. 

It’s tiny, so I’m guessing they mainly market this product towards women. 

I’m pissed off about this bar, though. Do not snack on these sugary lies. 

 

Overall, Health Warrior Chia Bars get a rating of 😴😠🙄😡👎

Health, Nutrition, Promo, Uncategorized

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